Well, you know the details by now…

We’re off and a great tradition has certainly begun.

Traditionally, the country goes all glass-half-full at this point and England are quickly (and against all common sense) installed as tournament favourites. Traditionally England start tournaments poorly and slowly, often drawing 1-1 against supposedly weaker nations. Traditionally, the nation’s bubble is hastily burst and a dramatic and a collective breast beating and self-flagellation takes place.

“Hand of Clod!” grumbles the News of the World and the Sunday Mirror, greeting Robert Green’s comedy blunder with unforgiving bitterness (although I preferred the Mirror’s later “Tainted Glove” headline). Other papers are screaming for Green’s replacement by the suddenly safe-as-houses David James, and cheerfully referencing the BP oil spill in a frenzy of clever, clever punning.

Before the game, for days now, other rituals have been observed. Flags are appearing on cars, taxis, windows and roofs; killjoy councils are getting themselves into a tizz about the health and safety issues of said flags; newspapers are gleefully running articles about killjoy councils. The countdown has begun.

Yesterday night, a nation pulled on their red ’66 Three Lions shirts, daubed crosses on their faces and ventured out to pubs and big screens up and down the land, and two hours later emerged squinting in the evening light, with a combination of excitement and dejection written across their smeared little faces. We are a conservative nation at heart.

Gratifyingly, some traditions were upheld on the pitch too – Carragher picked up his first booking, Heskey continued his no-goal scoring streak (nothing since February – for anyone) and Ledley King went off injured.

In reality, England didn’t do all that badly; I’ve certainly seen worse opening performances - Ireland in Italia ’90, pops into my head. Our traditional strengths (spirit, resilience, a game played at pace) and weaknesses (an inability to keep the ball, technique and general goal shyness) were evident for all to see. Pluses for England were the re-emergence of Steven Gerrard, after a very poor season, and the combination of Johnson and Lennon attacking down the right hand side. Minuses, would have been the flurry of cards picked up, and the lack of pace at the back. The US, though, are a decent team, well organised, gritty and have one or two good players in their midst; to say nothing of their familiarity with the English game. Without having yet seeing Algeria and Slovenia, you would imagine that they will get out of this group.

Green’s howler, however, highlighted a new trend that no one wants to think of, worse even than the vuvuzela, a tag we’ve always enjoyed assigning to the Scots – the Dodgy Keeper.

Scott Carson at Wembley, Paul Robinson in Zagreb, David James… anywhere… Not pleasant thoughts…

May also be best not to think of other World Cup traditions that we’ve come to associate with the Home of Football…

Come on England, break the mould!